Rough times lead to diamonds at the center....

Falls On Me ~ Fuel

I've seen you hanging round
This darkness where I'm bound
And this black hole I've dug for me
And silently within
With hands touching skin
The shock breaks my disease
And I can breathe

[Chorus]
And all of your weight
All you dream
Falls on me it falls on me
And your beautiful sky
The light you bring
Falls on me it falls on me

Your faith like the pain
Draws me in again
She washes all my wounds for me
The darkness in my veins
I never could explain
And I wonder if you ever see
Will you still believe?

[Chorus]

Am I that strong
To carry on?
I might change your life
I might save my world
Could you save me?

[Chorus X 2]


What a day this has been....

I got to sleep a little later then usual for a school day because class didn't start until 11:30. Hooray! It's the only class I have for sure, so I didn't want to lose my seat.

I was happy for a while today. Strangely enough it was when it was raining as I was walking home from the bus stop at Country Club. Something about the rain is just so soothing.... I've always had this vision in my mind with rain where my "someone" and I are in the middle of a large field, kind of like a school field, and it's pouring rain. We don't speak or anything, just dance and kiss, soaking wet, in the middle of this grassy area. It's yet to happen, and today was one of those days that it could have.

When I got home I was on the internet as fast as I could. I talked to people for a while, and actually spent some decent time with Tanya. We didn't get mad at each other, that's a good sign right? Weirdly, before she came home, the power went out in only the front rooms of our place as well as the kitchen appliences.

Soon enough I was talking to Andy and a bunch of other people and then Tanya left for Steve's. She says that they are probably moving in together in May-ish. Hopefully I'm gone by then, but if not I might try to keep the apartment.

Anyways, I was enjoying my day of talking on Nexopia, MSN and forums all at once until people started going offline. Soon enough it was down to Andy and Regal and even that made me happy because I was talking to two of my favorite people.

I progressively got more and more sick feeling and homesick at the same time. I think I'm getting some sort of stress related illness or something. I miss my family and Andy so much.

It took Regal a long time after Andy had gone offline to make me smile again. Then it took the workings of Jordan to get me to calm myself down.

He pointed out some very valid things to me when we talked. I may be extremely homesick right now, but it's not the town, it's this place I'm living. I think that if I were living anywhere else that I would be handling this better. I accept the fact that this town is home to me now, but this is not where I feel comfortable. Kaitlyn is here, and she loves me. I love her too, but there is the love from my parents and my brother still missing. I never thought to realize that I know they still do love me even though they are far away and that they will be there for me when I need them. I am out in the world on my own and keeping my head above the water for the most part. I am bettering my life and working hard for something that I want. That leaves one thing. I am missing the love of the person I could spend the rest of my life with. That love isn't missing. Despite the distance between us, we still have a solid relationship. After everything we've been through, we have survived this long (and for those of you who know our history should know what I mean), this is nothing new. The only difference this time is that we really are a couple, rather then just friends. We are closer then every other time.

That's what made me smile though. I really thought about what I said to Jordan when I was talking. I said that I would spend the rest of life with Andy. Now, him and I talk about that stuff all the time, but it never really sunk in to my head. But tonight it hit me. I really could spend every moment from this one on with him and I would be absolutely happy in each one. I thought that maybe the one before could have been it, but I notice one difference between this feeling and that one. Not everyone is perfect, and I know that, but with my last relationship, I found ways to hide his faults and things I didn't like about him. I ignored them. With Andy, I know he has his faults and things, but it doesn't bother me. I actually love some of them. Others I don't, but that's ok. It's part of who he is and I wouldn't want him to change them, unless that's what he wants to do. The thought that those things didn't make me want to try and cover them up and I would still want to be with him forever made me smile.

Thank you to Regal and Jordan for working so hard to help me feel good again.

On another happy note, Geoff is my hero for this month! He's invited me to go to the Barenaked Ladies concert with him! Excited!