Epic aspects in many levels...

There is writing at the bottom of all of this, just so you know.... though I warn you, this my just end up being my longest post ever...

A-accidents:
01. Have you ever been in a car accident? I hit a parked van in a parking lot during stupid Christmas rush once, and a friend of mine almost got run into a ditch while I was in the car...
02. Do you have a lot of scars? on my legs and hands I have tons of tiny scars
03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? no, but there have been many times I wish I had
04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? not that I can remember
05. Have you ever had stitches? thank god no

B - Beauty:
06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? not usually... but there are a few guys trying to work on that...
07. Are you self conscious of how you look? Yea… a lot of the time
08. Do you put on a lot of make-up? usually just eye makeup and lip gloss
09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? if I really needed it maybe
10. What do you think makes a person beautiful? the kindness that is inside of them. I admit that the outer appearance is nice, but how a person is to themselves and others is what makes for true beauty.

C - Consequences:
11. What was the longest amount of time you've been grounded for? I think it was about a week
12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? I'd most likely put it up for adoption.. I hate the idea of abortions but I couldn't handle a baby right now
13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? I try to, but it doesn't always work out that way.. most of the time it happens too late
14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? Isolation would tear me apart
15. What is one thing you wish you didn't do, just because it wasn't worth it in the end? make friends with Spencer Land

D - Dealing:
16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? I bottle it up for a while and then after a few times I get really upset and freak out
17. Name a time when you had to be strong: I talked someone out of suicide once... that took a lot of stamina and will power, but I managed to do it
18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? not a divorce, but I've heard my parents fighting before and I cried
19. When people at school don't accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? outwardly I normally ignore it or brush it off, inwardly it hurts
20. Have you ever lost someone to death? both of my grandpas, my great grandpa, a few family friends (the hardest of which committed suicide when I was 10), and a few others...

E - Experience:
21. Have you ever had a job? yup, I work at Superstore now, used to make signs in CR
22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? Yes and no, I do have a lot to learn still, in my opinion
23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? I'm a very emotional person and I react to things sometimes over emotionally, so I'm going to go with the first one with a bias
24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? In a way yes, but also no at the same time. I like being independent but I like being around people too
25. How old do you act? depends on what I'm doing.. I think it averages to about my actual age

F - Family:
26. Is there anyone in your family you don't talk to? yes, my Aunt Charlotte. She lives in Toronto doing fashion mag stuff, but my mom and my Aunt Teresa don't get along with her and when I was old enough, my mom told me why... so I have no really love for her anymore.
27. If you had to choose, family or friends? who would make me choose something like that? I have no way of differentiating between the two...
28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? I'm afraid to tell my parents some of the things that I do because I highly value what they think of me.
29. Do you have any siblings? my brother, Matt (16 at the end of this month)
30. How often do you spend 'quality time' with family members? I wish I had more.. but when I go home I spend as much time with them as I can. I miss them everyday

G - Growing:
31. How tall are you? 5'6” ish
32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? not physically, but mentally and emotionally yes
33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? I'm somewhere in between
34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? Actually, yes I am
35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? No one is ever finished learning. I have more than some, less than others

H - Hope:
36. Love - real or not? it is very real
37. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? I'm not sure lately
38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? Another thing I'm sure about lately, really.
39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? yes and no, I believe that.. ok I don't even know how to explain it..
40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? the people who truely have shown me love

I - Issues:
41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? yes
42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? umm, not that I know of
43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? define hard relationship... long distance sure does suck!
44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? occasionally, but I know I'm not
45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? running away to CR maybe, but not away from everyone all together.. though sometimes I do wonder what people would do or think if I died or got seriously injured...

J - Jokes:
46. Are you usually the one making people laugh, or the other way around? I'm not funny.. I find everyone else hilarious though
47. Do you cry when you laugh hard? absolutely.. that's the best kind of laughter (to which I add: NICK YOU NEED TO COME VISIT)
49. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? in middle school I did

K - Knowledge:
50. The purpose of school: to better our lives through gaining the knowledge we need to survive in doing what we need/want to do, to give me a job later in life
51. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? I've been referred to as each at some point in my life, I'd say I'm pretty average, but I do have my moments on either end of the scale.
52. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark)? there was one year that I managed to get straight A's at the end of the year.. I think the highest was 97% in Art (Harle loved us ^.^)
53. What was your last average? uhhh, B average I believe
54. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? psychology, history, media, anthropology (especially culture and religion)

L - Love:
55. Are you currently in love? yes
56. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? thankfully yes, I love you all for giving me hugs so often
57. Is love worth it? in most cases yes, sometimes it just sets you up for heartbreak.. I've experienced both
58. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they 'love' someone that they've been dating for a few weeks? I guess.. I don't really know.
59. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? I have different types of love for people... I 'love' my friends, I 'love' my family, and I 'love' Andy. Romantic love is not something that I will say lightly if that's what you mean...

M - Money:
60. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? sadly...
61. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? I really have no idea, but I'm gonna say average
62. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? I'm trying to, but rent and groceries keep taking up all my money
63. Would you rather win millions of dollars and be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry and start a family with? Much rather hae someone to love and love me in return. Money may be what runs the world, but connections and relations are what run my life.
64. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? probably about a 6 or 7 right now.. so many things require money that it's getting harder and harder to get by lately

N - Naughty:
65. Are you a virgin? no
66. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you're not going out with? casual sex isn't a bad thing unless you are dating someone already... then you're just causing issues
67. Do you know anybody you consider a slut? uh.. not that I know of.. I hope not... hehe there was a rumor about me once in high school that I was a slut because of who I was dating at the time... even though I was still a virgin then
68. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? in a sexual sense.. ya there are a few things I wish never happened and a couple I wish did
69. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? I don't know really.. I'm not really either

O - Openness:
70. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? depends on who they are and how I met them
71. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? if they've shown me that I can trust them then I will.. sometimes I've been tricked in that before though so I've trying to do better in that
72. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? sometimes, yes.... stupid jerk...
73. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? I don't really have a set time period... it's not like I go into heat or anything... when I feel the closeness and intimacy needed and feel I can return it equally, then I feel ready
74. When it comes to parents and close friends, what's the limit of what you can tell them? I have a few friends that I confide pretty well everything in, the only one in my family that I really talk to about anything is my brother

P - Positive:
75. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn't necessarily end positivetly? more than once, with different people
76. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? absolutely
77. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? I already answered this question... "I don't know lately!"
78. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? Not always right away, but I think that everything helps to learn something about ourselves and that's usually a good thing
79. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? more than once

Q - Questions:
80. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? I more often try to ignore it and hope it goes away on its own... though that usually makes more stress on me. I don't like asking for help so I will try to do it on my own and only ask if I've failed multiple times on my own.
81. Do you often question the world and how we came about? actually yes, just not out loud
82. Do you think the government is truthful? I don't pay attention to politics, though I probably should, but for the most part no
83. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? that goes with the first question in this section.. I don't like confrontation so I usually just hope it goes away on its own..
84. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? evolution.. I find the evolution of people so fascinating!

R - Respect:
85. How do you show respect? ask for opinions, trying to help out when needed, basically showing the person I value them in every aspect, listen and converse in turn
86. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? to consistantly do things that are hurtful or disrespectful to people, constant lying to me or the people closest to me, I'm sure there's more but I can't think of them now..
87. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? parents for sure, teachers absolutely... anyone else I don't really talk to/interact with
88. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? umm my mom gets short with me, my dad is more just talk it out
89. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? depends on who it is and how pissed off I get at them... usually I will just grind my teeth and walk away, or argue back.


S - School:
90. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? Second semester of third year of college
91. When will you graduate high school? 2004
92. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? work and college
93. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? I like having new friends this year, I hate my personality prof, I hate 10 page papers, but I like my classes
94. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? I'm a good kid

T - Temptation:
95. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? more than once
96. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? tried and failed.. until one time I gave in
97. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? nope
98. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn't really know or love? What did you end up doing? I kissed some guy from the states on the dance floor of the Voodoo last St. Patty's Day -blush-
99. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? I'm like Kaitlyn.. I give in way too easy

U - Unique:
100. Would you rather blend in with the crowd or stand out? I'd like to (try to) blend in with the people who stand out (ie. I like hanging out with you theater kids)
101. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? sometimes
102. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? I blend styles sometimes
103. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? sometimes...
104. What makes you different from people your age? I don't honestly know..

V - Value:
105. What's the most expensive thing in your room? aside from my laptop.. my stereo or my movie collection
106. Would you sacrifice your life for other people? most people, yes
107. What is something you value not because it costs a lot, but because it means a lot to you? I have a stuffed white bunny on top of my desk that was the first thing I ever owned.. someone in my family gave it to me the day I was born
108. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the one thing you would want to save? my photos or my laptop because most of my photos are on here
109. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could happen? then the future? in a way, yes because all the things that you learned in the past will help prepare you for the future, which is entirely unknown... without those life lessons and experiences, who knows how long you'll last..

W - Wishes:
110. If you had three wishes, what would they be? to be able to get through school successfully without the help of student loans, for all my loved ones to be happy in what ever they do, and for my family to make it through life in comfort because I know that paying for my schooling is making life rough on everyone
111. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? my loved ones... everyone has done so much for me and I appreciate every moment of it, and seeing everyone I love happy would be enough to make me happy so everyone wins
112. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? yes, because if you truely believe then not only will you have that wish there but you will also be working at it hard enough as well
113. Have you ever had a wish come true? a couple of times
114. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that's meant to happen, will happen? wishing for things helps me find faith in the things I am wishing for, which helps me get closer to attaining them

X - Xanga: Xanga (IPA: [zæŋgə]) is a website that hosts weblogs, photoblogs, and social networking profiles. It is operated by Xanga.com, Inc., based in New York City, USA.

Y - You:
115. Are you more independent or social? more social but I am both
116. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? People needlessly slandering people I know and care about
117. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? meh... maybe, people keep telling me I do
118. What kind of person would you be if you didn't have guidance from family members, God, teachers, etc.? I would be even more shy and self conscious then I already am... I would probably be too afraid to even talk to you guys... that's how I used to be.. seriously
119. Do you think people are generally good? for the most part

Z - Zest:
120. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? Yes because I have great people who care about me, no because I'm slipping more and more
121. Are you more outgoing, ready for anything, or boring and shy? I'm actually very shy until I know people and then I get more outgoing.. I'm still afraid of being "out of my shell" though
122. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? depending on the change.. change quite often scares me, but I hate not changing
123. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? I do... from a distance (ya I'm a contradictory person I know)
124. What is the most motivational thing in the world? Faith.. not the religious kind of faith, but faith from the people that care about you in the idea that you are a good person and you can do so many things.. it's hard to not feel good about yourself with so many people believing in you

Well here I am... alive and such, though sometimes I don't feel like it. I think things are getting better with me though because I don't feel it as intensely as before. It still happens and I feel just down and empty and alone and such, just not as bad as I was.

AKA house party was something I needed. It felt good to just have a good time with everyone and be silly and happy and such.. I passed out on the couch before everyone else was on the floor (I think only Brianna and one other person beat me to it) and so I fell asleep happy, though quite drunk.

Saw 300 with people... oh my gosh was ever amazing! The style was very different from Sin City (which makes sense since Rodriguez didn't direct it) but it was still very very very awesome. I won't say anything about the movie since I know a few people who read my blog haven't seen it and want to...

I'm seriously thinking of quiting Superstore lately, but I may wait until after I move. Depending on where I end up is going to really affect my decision.

Times like this I wish I had stuck with my guitar lessons... it was always so relaxing and stuff to fiddle with little sections of a song that I had learned or found a tab for, even though I wasn't very good at it. I need something to put my mind at ease because I'm getting restless for something to do and I have very little. When Geoff played his acoustic while we were chilling out at his place after going to the bottle depot, I just couldn't help but be happy. Acoustic guitar just has some sort of good feeling in me, because whenever I hear that kind of music I just feel so relaxed and can't help but smile. I bet if I still played I would appreciate it more, but for now, I'll enjoy it as much as I can.

I also got the new Finger Eleven CD last week and I rarely stop listening to it. The new release isn't even the best song in my opinion... They wen't for a different sound this time and as much as I like the old sound, I'm really enjoying this album.

Really happy that the warm weather is coming back now. I'm ready to have the sun out and walk around town and just enjoy the day. That and warm weather time is the best time to drive around with the windows down and turn the music up. Summertime is the time of forcing pedestrians and other drivers to listen to your music! Of course the downside is that other drivers think the same thing.... unless they have good music.

I think that's everything for now... if any of you guys ever want to hang out or anything just leave me a comment or call or email me. I'm around for the most part and usually bored outta my mind.