Laughter can cure all ails...

No song today... I have funny videos instead. Read on!

So in the three days that I have been at home sick with God knows what (hopefully the doctor will let me know soon), I've been watching a lot of clips on YouTube. Yesterday I came across one from Whose Line is is Anyway? and I've been watching them ever since. I used to watch this show all the time and I heard that more are coming out so now I have to figure out where.. I love improv comedy!



hilariously funny! For some reason made me think of all you theatre kids....


In my addictedness, I found clips from an episode I remember watching a few years ago. Before he was famous, before anyone even knew who he really was. Stephen Colbert. The rest of the clips were pretty funny, and I advise you all to look them up on YouTube, but I had to put this one on for the sake of the fact that, well... he raps... ENJOY!

Emptiness fills the spaces without ----

The Messenger ~ The Tea Party

Got a letter from a messenger
I read it when it came
It said that you were wounded
You were bound and chained
You had loved and you were handled
You were poisoned, you were pained
Oh no
Oh no
You were naked, you were shamed

You could almost touch heaven
Right there in front of you
Liberty just slipped away on us
Now there's so much work to do
Oh the door that closes tightly
Is the door than can swing wide
Oh no
Oh no
Not expecting to collide

For a minute I let my guard down
Not afraid to be found out
I completely forgot dear
What our fears were all about
Oh no there's no need to be without

If there's a chance I would take it
This desire I can't kill
Take my heart please don't break it
I will crawl to your foothill

I'm frightened but I'm coming
Please baby please lay still
Oh no
Oh no
I'm not coming for the kill

Oh no
I'm not coming for the kill

Oh no
I'm not coming for the kill

I had a good time at Kylen's last night. I think everyone had a good time. Seemed to be a generally good feeling... very naked. First time I'd drank in a while, still debating on whether that was a good thing or not. I managed to drink about a third of a 2-6 of vodka to myself, minus one shot that Kitty took. May not sound all that impressive, but I'm a light weight.

The snow is crazy. It's been so long since I've been around this much snow that wasn't instantly slush, like CR snow. Driving to and from Ky's with Jordan was an ordeal. I swear we were gonna die.

Speaking of which, had at least three horror movie moments this weekend. First was with Jordan and Lisa on our way back from Improv night. We were trying to get out of Ladysmith and back to the highway when we somehow got onto a back road that was dirt and gravel and the only lights around were the headlights. Very creepy. So we decided that werewolves took over the town. Second was with Jordan and James on our way to Ky's. I don't remember exactly what happened, but it also involved werewolves and snow. Finally was at Ky's place with Jordan and Nikki and Alleah provided our finale. As we were all sitting there, the power began to go out. Ky lives in a cabin type house surrounded by trees and stuff. Very horror movie like. Alleah got killed. Can't remember if she was topless then or not.

Thanks to Heather, she showed me a clip from Who's Line Is It Anyways? on YouTube and now I'm additcted to it... again. She was so determined to help me feel better earlier. It worked.

Oh ya, was down today after Adam left. Oh ya, Adam came to see me today. Ok, back on track. Down. Not too big of a deal. I can deal. Painful is all I really have to say about that.

Adam. We went Christmas shopping together and went to dinner. I missed him a lot. I was really glad to see him again.

Ok, now my exciting news. If any of you are planning to have me around during the winter break, exclude the 21st to the 29th cuz I'll be in California. Ya that's right. My family is going to Disneyland/Universal for Christmas! So excited! Ok, that makes me sound lame but here's my reasoning: I've never left the country, I've never been on a plane, I've never been to Disneyland. I am sad about one very important thing though, I have to leave Andy behind. So I think I'm going to go back a couple days early so I can see him before I have to be away. I think what I'll do is bring my laptop with me or something so I can keep in touch with people over the break, as well as keep you all updated on my childish fun. Mwa hah!

Ok I'm done for now.

Everything gravitated to the center...

More ~ J. Englishman

Well she says life sucks it's the truth I mean
Didn't you think it'd be better than this
So where's that prize that I was promised?
Where's my great reward?
Where's my happiness?

Coz I want something more
I need something more

We're all style over substance and
We're pride reluctance to the bitter end
So give me passion over reason
Give me something to believe in
And I'll be content

Coz I want something more
I need something more

Give me passion give me feeling
Give me something to believe in
Give me passion over feeling
Give me reasons to keep breathing (x3)

Coz I want something more
I need something more
I need something
I want something
I need something
Give me something
Coz I want something more
I need something more

Give me passion give me feeling
Give me something to believe in
Give me passion over feeling
Give me reasons to keep breathing (x3)

Give me passion

Ok so this is most likely going to be my longest post ever...

In the past few days I've been the central focus point for the problems of a lot of people. I don't mind that so much, but I'm getting to that point where it's getting to be too much for me. I like helping people, I really do, but when someone is asking me to make decisions for them it gets to be too much.

I had another friend talk to me about dying that night that I heard about Sean. He's also still alive, but it turns out that he's been drinking since Sunday and he has heart problems. I hope he's going to start taking care of himself soon.

I had a lot of fun yesterday at karaoke. I didn't sing myself, but I sang with other people. When Geoff did Piano Man and we all sang with him was way too much fun. I always found that to be a really good song to bring people together. I don't know that we could have fit many more onto the chain we had going. I heart you Geoff!

After this past week I feel like I fit in a lot more then I did before. Seems that more and more people know who I am and talk to me when I'm just sitting around. Makes me feel good, even if all it is is people being nice.

I can't wait until Christmas break! My dad is plotting some sort of trip pr something and won't tell anyone in my family what it is. I'm terribly excited, and if I can afford it I may bring some things back for people. Depending on where we go. All I know is that it involves a plane and I've never been on a plane before. Hopefully there won't be any snakes.

Saw the James Bond movie twice. Sean Connery is still the best Bond... but Daniel Craig is still pretty hawt. Those blue eyes are just so sexy!

I think I need to go to another concert. I've never been to a full scale concert, but I kind of like the smaller venues. Much more personal. I think something like the Stabilo concert would be perfect for me right now. Calm but awesome. Those guys are super nice, by the way. And tall....

I've really gotten into different music this year. Hanging out with so many new people have given me new bands to listen to and so far I like them all. Rick, you are my hero for re-introducing me to Mindless Self-Indulgence, as well as hooking me on Blood Brothers. Geoff... I heart my music lessons with you. I shall be addicted to Indie in no time if this keeps up.

I'm really glad to be hanging out with Jordan again. You're way too much fun to not be around! Sorry your birthday present was so late.

Amber, I have a mark on my collar bone from you. I love it! You give the best bites and nibbles ever! I couldn't believe when my knees gave out on me. Hawt!

I re-discovered how comfy my bed is to sit on and just chill out. I may just watch a movie on my laptop so I don't have to move to the couch and use the TV.

Ok so I was feeling left out on the trend... go ahead, call me a poser if you want. I'm gonna do it anyways....

- I have to wear my glasses to do anything
- I love wearing my glasses
- I still have my N
- I have never owned my own car
- I never really though I was attractive at all, so I can't seem to understand why other people do
- I hardly ever watch TV anymore, aside from CSI
- I was a Brownie and a Girl Guide
- When I was 6 I had a cat named Zeke, I still miss him
- City of Angels always makes me cry
- I was (and I guess I still am) a Job's Daughter [for the love of God don't ask me about it, please]
- I met Narduar (if you don't know who that is, that shows how impressive the meeting must have been)
- Many people mistake my friendliness for flirting and visa versa
- My natural hair color is brown
- I have never been further than Edmonton
- When I get married I want it to be in the fall.
- Autumn is my favorite season. I find the colors beautiful and I think everything seems so serene and magical.
- No one used to believe me when I told them that Tanner was my cousin... my female friends seemed to love him
- I am an online RPer
- One day I'm going to get a tattoo of wings with the Kanji symbol Tsubasa in the middle
- I want my tongue pierced so badly
- My brother and I get along really well and always have. I miss him alot.
- I was mad when they turned the only dance club in Campbell River into a strip club for the majority of the day now, even though it was my last night in town
- I played clarinet in band class
- The only reason I stayed in band class as long as I did was so I could go to Edmonton and I could see my friend Amanda
- I think my eyes are my best feature
- I sometimes get unexplainable chest pains
- One thing I want to learn before I can't is how to swing dance well
- I still love the Fraggles
- Most of my musical interests come from my dad. When my brother and I were young, one thing that we did with my dad all the time was listen to music.
- Hence why I love jazz and blues and classic rock more then anything else
- The Blues Brothers always makes me think of my dad
- I learned to sew from my mom, but sadly forgot how to do most of it
- My brother also has a high influence on my music tastes. Thanks to him I discovered the Dropkick Murphys.
- I could never live without my music and my movies
- My nicknames consist of Steph, Stephie, Stephernini, Stephernefer, Stepherino, Pervy, Karen (when I've done something bad), as well as others
- Kaitlyn (Kitty, Donna, whatever) calls me the Pop Culture Queen for some reason..... ok I know why...
- I didn't lose my virginity until last year
- I had a mushroom cut when I was 5
- I wish I could pull off fire engine red hair
- I really miss Adam, Nick, Amanda, Aaron, and Liz. I haven't seen any of them for so long.
- My favorite color is Lime Green (booya Amber!)
- I took Japanese for three years in high school.. I think I forgot it all
- I love video games
- But I would rather watch people play a game then play it myself
- My favorite movies are Pulp Fiction and Interview with the Vampire
- My dream job right now would to be to work in a video rental place until I get my teaching degree
- I wish I could sing as well as I used to
- I love to read
- My favorite Looney Tunes character is Marvin the Martian
- I watched Beakman's World BEFORE Bill Nye because Beakman's World came FIRST!! My dad and I would never miss it when I was young
- I care about people alot
- I hate being angry
- When I'm going to sleep I'll sleep on my side with my body pillow so it feels like there's someone there with me.
- I don't sleep well when I'm alone
- Quite often I'm convinced I have depression, but other times I'm too happy to even think that
- Sometimes I get upset and I can't figure out why
- I love to draw with charcoal and chalk
- Black and white photos are so much nicer than color ones
- I am the only one that carries my belief system. No one else seems to understand it properly.
- Therefore, no one knows what I believe in because I don't tell people
- Hand massages make me melt
- I used to lie about being teased in elementary school. I told people that a guy in my school teased me more then he did.
- I have a fetish for vampires
- My first kiss was with a guy who turned out to be gay
- When it rains it reminds me of home.
- When it rained at home I used to go to the park near my house and go on the swings
- I have always had more guy friends than girl friends
- I worry about people I care about more then I should
- I've only ever really had two jobs: One was at a sign making shop and the other is at Superstore.
- I miss working at the sign shop
- I am an Aquarius
- I own two corsets. Only five people have seen me in either of them.
- My two guilty spending pleasures are coats and lingerie
- I miss the social aspect of high school. We had a great group of friends
- I'd much rather have an average sized guy then one with a lot of muscles
- Dark curly hair makes me smile. I think it looks gorgeous
- I am incredibly self-conscious, but I try very hard to hide it
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail is so awesome
- I love to walk in the rain
- I am a water person. I love being wet or swimming or even just being near water
- I've never left Canada that I can remember
- I was at Expo '86.
- I want to go skinny dipping.
- I was a pot smoker for a total of about 9 months and then stopped again
- I am a non-self-appointed guidance counsellor, in the most basic form. I like to help people with things that bother them. I even have a few regular "clients." Don't worry, I don't charge.
- If I could regain contact with any friend I don't have contact with now, it would be Rowen. He was a great friend and I hope he's doing well.
- My dream car is a 1969 Ford Mustang Mach One in either lime green or cobalt blue
- The friend I have stayed in contact with the longest is Cindy (over 15 years)
- I still have letters from when Sean lived in Sayward, notes from Kitty that we passed in class, and letters from my extended family in England
- I can't find any of Andy's letters he sent from Calgary and Fort Saint John
- I had a pen pal in Thailand named P.
- I used to have the nickname Shorty. Not because I was short (I wasn't), but from my favorite character on a video game for PS1
- I want to find Bust-A-Groove so I can play Shorty again
- I love learning about different countries
- My grade 4 teacher was my favorite teacher ever. I think he teaches in Indonesia now.
- Up until about grade 5 or 6, many people thought Cindy and I were sisters
- I don't like being alone
- I had a break up once where I thought the guy was going to hurt me, though he showed no signs of doing so, but I was paranoid for months. I still have a general paranoia that sprung from that time period
- I hated Andy when I first met him

Severed spine and broken wings crashed to the ground...

4 am ~ Our Lady Peace

I walked around my good intentions
And found that there were none
I blame my father for the wasted years
We hardly talked
I never thought I would forget this hate
Then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong

And If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong

I walked around my room
Not thinking
Just sinking in this box
I blame myself for being too much
Like somebody else
I never thought I would just
Bend this way
Then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong

And If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong

And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong
Hope to God I figure out
I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong

If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
what's wrong

And If I don't make it known that
I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out

So, I called Andy today between my second class and my night class. We were both in tears before about 15 minutes passed. Since I left last Monday, things have just gone to shit.

Bobby and Mike are fighting again. From what I heard I think they're done for good. It makes me sad.

Sean tried to kill himself last night. It was a good thing that I didn't call Andy last night or Sean wouldn't have been able to get through.... I don't want to even think of what might have happened. I admit, I want Sean around in my life. Thank goodness that he managed to get everything out of his stomach in time.

Andy is feeling so alone. In all truth, I do in a way too. I realize that people around here are here, but it's still just not the same. Everything that has been going on around CR is starting to weigh on him. Especially all the stuff with Bobby and Mike. He's afraid that Mitch is going to grow up the same way he did.

Things are hectic there and I feel so helpless against it because I'm so far away. Andy's gone to see about anti-depressants again, Sean is still alive, and who knows about the other two, so I guess it's ok, right?

Burning candles and starlight...

Mad World ~ Gary Jules

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell youI find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

I think this was one of the best weekends I've had since I moved here. And I have Amber to thank for it all starting. Since my post about being lonely and becoming reclusive again, then her talking me into karaoke on Wednesday I haven't stopped moving. Karaoke on Wednesday, 70 and Allen's place on Thursday, Geoff and Brianna's party on Friday, Casino Royal on Saturday, and writing a kick ass movie with Lisa and Jordan today. Guys, I swear it's gonna be the best thing since Dog Soldiers.

So, I realized that sobriety at AKA house parties is almost as interesting as inebriation. People there are so much fun to just watch sometimes. Mind you if I had had a choice I would have been passed out on the floor as drunk as the rest of ya... but I did enjoy the party none the less. Ninja sex with Kitty and Maddie was the best.... Ah to sleep in a bed, eh Jordan? Mwahaha!

I am addicted to this song though. Mad World by Gary Jules is fantastic. I love how it is just so simple and elegant. When I first saw Donnie Darko and heard it I have adored it and didn't get the actual song onto my computer until tonight. I have CSI on mute and I've listened to the song about 4 times now. I've decided that I'm going to burn the songs that are put into the beginning of each post onto a CD as soon as I hit like 15 or something. I'm sure anyone who is watching my playlist tracker on MSN right now is thinking I'm a nut case or something.....

Anyways, I'm looking forward to presenting our storyboard to the class and such tomorrow. Hopefully I can manage to get Jordan and Lisa in my workshop group or it just won't be as cool to present.

I'm feeling kinda bad right now though. I was going to call Andy tonight because I was talking to him through Richard earlier and I said I would, but then I got caught up in trying to make a friend feel better because he was feeling really down. I looked at the clock when he went offline and it was 10:45 pm. I cursed myself. If I call after 9 then Mitch is in bed and I don't want to wake him up. I'll call him tomorrow, but I'm sure that right now he's feeling pretty down, especially since he wasn't in a great mood earlier. I was really looking forward to talking to him too.

So now that I'm on my 6th time of listening to Mad World, I'm going to finish off this post. I hope everyone had fun on the weekend like I did.

Sleeping pictures of waking dreams...

1979 ~ Smashing Pumpkins

Shakedown 1979,
Cool kids never have the time
On a live wire right up off the street
You and I should meet

Junebug skipping like a stone
With the headlights pointed at the dawn
We were sure we'd never see an end to it all

And I don't even care to shake these zipper blues
And we don't know
Just where our bones will rest
To dust I guess
Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below

Double cross the vacant and the bored
They're not sure just what we have in store
Morphine city slippin' dues down to see

That we don't even care
As restless as we are
We feel the pull in the land of a thousand guilts
And poured cement,
Lamented and assured

To the lights and towns below
Faster than the speed of sound
Faster than we thought we'd go, beneath the sound of hope

Justine never knew the rules,
Hung down with the freaks and the ghouls
No apologies ever need be made,
I know you better than you fake it

To see that we don't even care to shake these zipper blues
And we don't know just where our bones will rest
To dust I guess
Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below

The street heats the urgency of sound
As you can see there's no one around

Oh man, I feel like shit! My head is pounding but I can't take anything for it because of the meds I'm on (which I apparently forgot to take before I went out) for my stupid ear infection which is STILL ringing in my ear. On top of that, as well as headaches, these meds come with a shot of nausea as a side effect. So in about half an hour I'm gonna feel really bad. I reek of what I think is cigarette smoke and beer. My hair is a mess from the emo-ness. My feet hurt, my knees ache, my shoulders are sore. I'm gonna do a shitty ass job on my assignment due tomorrow (well today techincally). But you know what?

It was all worth going to karaoke for. Everyone seemed to have a pretty good vibe around them tonight.

Geoff, you are my new hero! Not only did you provide me a ride to and from the funness, you also have great taste in music and are totally fun to hang around.

I managed to somewhat belt out Heartshaped Box tonight, though I couldn't really hear myself so I dunno how I did. I actually should thank Jordan and Wayne for screaming over on the side, cuz it helped me stay on track and somewhat on key, unless of course it was to cover up my terrible awful singing. Though, like I said, I couldn't tell how I was doing. I was happy, in either case. It was fun.

Devin, you are a dancing god! I love it.

The emo game was awesome!
My soul is full of darkness
The rotting in my body is the rotting of the world
I cut my veins and bleed black
My heart is shattered like
Shards of blackened glass
Stomped on with stiletto heels
By those bitches that just don't understand me

No, that was not a South Park reference.

On top of that, I got to hang out with Jordan at lunch time today. I can't believe that it was over a week since we had seen each other! I missed hanging out with you! Wendy's food... yummy *thumbs up* So much salt on the fries, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Also, on a less happy note, I'm quite certain that I'm going to fail my Canadian Lit class. Hopefully the in class essays count for more than I think they do. I hate that class!

Dreams in black and white photos....

One Thing ~ Finger Eleven

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

[Chorus:]
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time
Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

[Chorus x2]

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

[Chorus x3]

I had a great visit home this weekend. I was so happy to see everyone again, and I hope that everyone was just as happy to see me too. Liz, I wish I could have stayed with you at the bar for a little longer, but it turns out that it was a good thing that I didn’t. I didn’t ditch you I swear.

It sucked that most of my family was sick during the time that I was there, but so was I. It wasn’t a big deal at all. I got to see some people that I hadn’t seen for a long time, and even if it was only for a few moments, it was worth being able to give them hugs and say hi.

It was my dad’s birthday on Sunday, which was the main reason I went home this weekend. We got him a nice photograph of some boats, he collects that kind of stuff, the newest version of Flight Simulator, and Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life. I love my dad for all the cool stuff that he got me and my brother into, like Monty Python and really good old music, like jazz and blues. Stevie Ray Vaughan = God. He told me just before I left that me being there made his day. That made my day.

So, Tuesday will be 6 months for Andy and I. I’m a little sad that we won’t actually get to spend it together, but we spent most of today together, so I guess it’s not too bad. I can’t believe it’s been so long already. I guess after having spent so many years in separate towns, 6 months is a drop in the bucket, right? I really enjoyed the time we spent together this weekend. Happy 6 months, babe.

I had a great time on Saturday night. Liz, Jen, and I went to the Voodoo around 12 and hung out at the top of the stage. I managed to get myself in for free again. Jared is my hero yet again for that. While we were sitting there, Richard found us. He was so drunk already. I never realized how entertaining he is when he’s wasted, probably because every time he was drunk and I saw him I was too. He insisted on poking me every chance he got, and justified it by saying that it was because I was his "little brother’s girlfriend." No, Richie and Andy aren’t related really, but Rich, Chris, and Andy are so much alike that I swear that Rich could be part of the family. Some times I think that Andy and Rich have more in common than he and Chris do, and they really are brothers. Anyways, I got sidetracked. I didn’t really want to leave early but my ear was really beginning to hurt so I had to leave. I got it check out the next day; I have an ear infection. Joy. [/sarcasm] At least I don’t have the risk of my ear drum bursting this time.

So now that I’ve rambled on for almost a whole page in my Word program, not including my trademark opening song lyrics, and not really said anything at all, I’m going to wrap this up. I hope everyone had as great of a weekend as I did, what with closing night and Jordan’s birthday, on top of other things I’m sure I haven’t heard about. I shall be at karaoke on Wednesday as long as Geoff is still willing to drive me home, maybe pick me up too if I can’t get there myself. I heart you for that, by the way, Geoff.

And this is me saying good night...

Shadows in the moonlight...

I Am The Highway ~ Audioslave

Pearls and swine bereft of me
Long and weary my road has been
I was lost in the cities
Alone in the hills
No sorrow or pity for leaving I feel

(chorus)
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky

Friends and liars don't wait for me
I'll get on all by myself
I put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you
I feel

(chorus)
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
I am not your blowing wind
I am the lightning
I am not your autumn moon
I am the night

No matter how many times I hear that song I never get sick of it...

I've been spending more and more time at home again. It may be due to the fact that I've been sick alot. Things have been kind of hard for me down here, and as much as I like being here, I still feel really out of place. Now I find myself still spending a lot of my time doing my homework, but I can never seem to do very well on much of it. Am I wasting my time? Alot of the time I think I am, and not just in school.

Part of the problem I think is that I am having a hard time making friends. I mean, the people I've met through Kitty are great. I always have fun around them, but I've yet to really make a friend on my own, you know? I feel like I'm closing myself off to people...

I can't wait to go home.

Clad in spiked heels and a white belt...

Heart-shaped Box ~ Nirvana

She eyes me like a pisces when I am weak
I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for weeks
I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black

Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Your advice

Man-eating orchids forgive no one just yet
Cut myself on angel hair and baby's breath
Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back

Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
Hey! Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice

Your advice
Your advice
Your advice

I am so sick. My head has been congested for the past two and some odd weeks and now it's just getting worse. I can barely keep my eyes open for more than 5 minutes before shutting them and looking as though I've been crying for hours. This sucks.

On a happy note, I'm visiting home for the first time in a while this weekend! I'm so excited to see my family and Andy and all my friends again. I've missed everyone so much! I'm sad that I'm going to miss Jordan's party, I really am. I hope everyone has fun and gets really drunk and/or stoned and has super amounts of fun. I shall be there in spirit, hun!

Also, glad to hear that the play is going well. Lisa seems to be impressed with everything, and I thought it was great when I went. Keep up the good work guys!

So, this is a note to all my CR people who actually are reading this. We need to plan something for this weekend! Friday or Saturday would be best for me, more so Saturday. Too bad it's gonna rain all weekend or I would say Rona beach fire. I love you guys, and I'm comin' home to see ya!

Hopefully I get better soon.... I hate looking so unsexy... haha! Ya, right. Cuz I'm so self-centered, right?

Demons dancing with angels' wings...

The Way ~ Fastball

They made up their minds
And they started packing
They left before the sun came up that day
An exit to eternal summer slacking
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?

They drank up the wine
And they got to talking
They now had more important things to say
And when the car broke down they started walking
Where were they going without ever knowing the way?

Chorus:
Anyone could see the road that they walk on is paved in gold
And its always summer, theyll never get cold
Theyll never get hungry
Theyll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They wont make it home
But they really dont care
They wanted the highway
Theyre happy there today, today

The children woke up
And they couldnt find em
They left before the sun came up that day
They just drove off
And left it all behind em
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?

Anyone could see the road that they walk on is paved in gold
And its always summer, theyll never get cold
Theyll never get hungry
Theyll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They wont make it home
But they really dont care
They wanted the highway
Theyre happy there today, today

So I went to the opening night of Twelth Knight last night. Everyone did so amazingly. Fantabulous! Kaitlyn was absolutely stunning and sexy as Olivia! And every time Jordan and James came on stage I could barely stop laughing. I never realized how talented Davies was with a guitar either. Made me jealous. I wish you guys all the luck in the world for every other night, I know you'll all do great time after time!

I was quite happy to be invited to the after party.. and the after after party. I had fun at both places for the most part. I go to meet some new people, even if most them were just breifly before I followed Kitty off somewhere else, or she went off and I didn't notice. For the first bit I clung pretty close to Kitty. I was actually kind of scared to talk to Jordan for a while.

That's probably why I got so upset later on. I was doing ok for the masque party, but once we got to Alex's and everyone was starting to have fun and everything, I was still only really hanging around Kitty and Amber. Everyone looked like they were really enjoying themselves and I don't think I even saw Jordan in the first hour or so. That kind of depressed me a bit, then really depressed me when he kinda walked right by me. Looking back on it I realize that I was being kinda silly.. especially when I started drinking random things that people were giving me. I didn't get drunk, though I think in any other case I would have. I can't figure out why I didn't this time.

When, finally, a lot of people started leaving, and I was about reading to start walking home, I got a chance to see Jordan. Then when he hugged me I just couldn't help but start crying. Again. ((Kitty I love you, by the way)) And we just stood there. Hugging each other. I think I was just so afraid of losing one of the best friends I had ever made. When we did get a chance to talk to each other - and think the people who were sitting outside playing music went inside so we were alone - I was just so happy to have had the chance to get it all out there and out of the way. I know things may be a little different and strange for a while, but as long as I know that the spirit is still there, everything will be ok.

I may still be that naive little girl, but I accept that. It's who I am, and I guess I always will be. I believe in second chances... or third or fourth. Anyone who doesn't believe that can ask Andy. Despite everything he's done to tick me off, I still love him. I'm sure that if I can handle everything that I've gone through in my life and still keep those little girl's eyes, I can do it again now.

So now that I've reached the end of my lengthy post, I close with another message of good wishes to those who are going on stage yet again. I know you guys are going to great, as always.

Ideas that dance in my head....

I don't know that everyone I talk about here is going to get to read it, but I'm going to say them anyways. If you want to know who you are, ask me. I may tell you....

1. You are one of the best things that ever happened to me. I wish that we had more time to spend with each other lately, but I know we're both busy a lot. I hope you do well! Scratch that... I know you'll do well. Without you I would be so lost, and so not who I am today. I owe you! I love you as if you were my own sister, and we didn't fight like sisters do sometimes. Every time I see you, I smile because I know how far we've come together and I wouldn't be the same person without you. Thanks for helping me out, even to this day.

2. We may not be as close as we used to be, but I know in our hearts we're still way back when and chasing each other around in cat ears with toilet paper roll microphones. You are so amazing. You are always there for me when I have needed you and I hope that never changes.

3. We've had our good and bad times and I'm glad we've come to this. You have no idea how happy I am that you came back to me. Everyday that I don't get to see you makes me wish so much more that I could. When it comes to this, patience is not my strong point. It's too bad that we weren't smarter sooner.

4. You are such a great person. Everytime I see you, you have the most addictive smile on your face. I only wish the best for you, in what ever form you wish for the most. My only regret to you is not being able to help you, but I try as hard as I can. I hope things that have happened won't come between us.

5. I swear that my brain is the way it is partly due to you. Not that I'm complaining ^__^ You're like a brother to me, and I always wanted an older brother. When I'm with you I feel safe and I can't help but be happy. I know things will work out for you, even if they do take time.

6. Look how far we've both come since being 11! I swear we are the worst examples ever, but I wouldn't change it for the world! I love you to death! Now the only thing we need to do is see each other more often. I treasure every memory and moment we shared, especially those in your basement.

7. You're so crazy and I love it! You're happy personality is so awesome and I always smile when I see you smile. I may not know you very well but I hope to get to know you a lot better. Keep smiling, hun. You're so cute when you smile. And don't give up!

8. What to say about you that I haven't already said.... I doubt you'll even see this, but I'm going to say it anyways. You have been so much help to me over the last year or so that we've been talking. I bet that without you, I'd be six feet under by now. Thank you for sharing a brain with me!

9. I remember when we were still too shy to talk to each other at the bus stop. We were so cute back then. Now we're just hawt in leather! I really hope that everything is going great for you way out there where I can't see you! *tear*

10. I can't believe that we've made it this far together. I may not see you much anymore, but I do think about you from time to time. Those days of middle school will be permanently etched into my brain and I laugh everytime I hear about white blood cells. I'm so happy for you right now, you have a nice girl by your side. The two of you need to come visit me!

11. Remember when we first met? I still do. We were both so geeky back then, and look at us now. Sexy as hell. I remember the first time we sat under the stairs and just talked. I love you, and we don't spend nearly enough time together. I hope you're doing ok, because I would hate to see anything happen to you.

12. You're another one I don't know as well as I should yet, but I appreciate the smiles you give me all the time. I adore you're energy and personality and I think we need to find a way to bottle it and make millions from it.

13. I know we rant at each other a lot, and one of us is usually in some sort of rotten mood or something, but I enjoy it. You've always been there to listen to me complain about this and that, and visa versa, and you know what? I wouldn't change it for all the beer in the world. Mind you I don't drink beer, but hey...

14. I love you to death! I miss you so much that I think I might just have to call you when I get to town. You have so much courage and I admire it. To go through the things that I'm sure you go through all the time, and survive it. You are so loving to everyone around you and everyone loves you for it, and rightfully so. You're super sexy, how could they not?

15. You are the bravest person I know. I can't even begin to imagine how hard things have been for you over the past few months, and for you to hang in there and to be so strong, I admire every second. Ever since I met you all those years ago, I have thought of you as part of my family. Then to be able to work with you in high school was truely awesome, even if we did goof off most of the time. Your spirit is just so addictive and uplifting that anyone who didn't love you is crazy. Stay strong for us all, I know I'll stand by you, even if only in spirit while I'm doing exams...

The darkness grew in the blackest night...

Comfortable Liar ~ Chevelle

Broad, is this sea
The salt, enters the wounds
My take, on you is simple

So heal, your fear
To heal, your fear

Time, spent wading off shore
The calm, before the storm
My take, from you is simple

So heal, your fear
To heal, your fear

You're such a comfortable liar
You're such a comfortable liar
You're such a comfortable liar
You're such a comfortable liar
You're such a comfortable liar
So calm
Cause I said wrong

You comfortable liar
You comfortable liar
You comfortable liar
You comfortable liar
Liar


I never thought that I would be taken for a spin like that again. For once I thought I had put naivity behind me, but I guess I was wrong. I am everything that my mother said I am, and I hate it. I am that sightless little girl, willing to trust in everyone and believe their lies until I am the one that ends up hurt.

Never more than I do now, have I wanted to go home and curl up, alone. Lock myself away from the world, wrapped in that loving wool sweater and just cry until my eyes hurt.

So I guess it comes down to the fact that I can really only trust three males in my life.... my father and my brother. I'll let you all stew over who the third is. He knows who he is and that's all that matters.